Today, I found my old bright pink iPod nano that I got for my 13th birthday. I found it hiding beneath a dusty old picture of my grandma and I, taken in the hospital a few hours after I was born. This might seem insignificant, but finding that iPod (I looked for that thing for MONTHS) kind of got me thinking about a lot of stuff. Mostly about like fate, and destiny, and how I believe that everyone was put on this Earth for a purpose. I have no idea what my purpose is. But I know that I have one. Because why else would I be here?
I've always been a strong believer in fate and karma, and I'm not really religious so that doesn't have anything to do with it. It just makes sense to me, that if you treat someone badly, something bad will happen to you. And same for positive things, if you treat people with kindness and make it a point to do something generous and good for no particular reason, that kindness will circle back towards you. It makes sense, doesn't it?
But there's also fate. It's defined as, "The development of events outside a person's control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power." Now, I'm not really sure I believe that definition. I do think that everything happens for a reason, and that if something bad happens, it's meant to, because something else is supposed to happen after, kind of a chain of events kind of thing. Slippery Slope, if you will. (Rhetoric Devices a la Ms. Fillman) but anyway, my point is that something so small like losing that precious iPod turned out to not be a big deal at all. It sucked for a while, but it's not like I had no other way to listen to music or anything, and finding it over 2 years later made such an impact on me that I feel like it was almost supposed to happen.
I don't know how many people out there are like me, who believes in fate and destiny and that everything happens for a reason. And at the same time, I feel like it's also kind of scary to just accept that some greater force in the world is controlling your life, but it's kind of cool to me. Like, you're not entirely in control. So it's okay if you make mistakes. Because we're humans, and I like to think we're meant to.
For my documentary review, I wanted to watch something interesting and out of the ordinary. I've seen most of the classics, and while I could easily sit here and review a documentary about the fast food industry, I decided instead that I would find one that caught my eye, and that I genuinely wanted to see. The documentary I ended up watching was "Born Schizophrenic - Jani's Next Chapter". This film depicts the story of 9 year old Jani Schofield, a schizophrenic child that had made an appearance and told her story on Oprah, but was later interviewed and had her story made into a film.
The documentary talks about Jani's personal experience dealing with schizophrenia, and how she's experienced strange hallucinations in the forms of numbers and animals. Some of these hallucinations are harmless, but some, such as "Wednesday", the imaginary rat, tells Jani to harm herself and her family. Jani's parents struggle on a daily basis to care for her, as she needs constant supervision and may lose control at any moment. Her schizophrenia is so severe, that at a certain point the family had to move into two seperate apartments, one for herself and one for her little brother, Bodi. Fortunately, Jani's disease mellowed down to the point where her parents felt it safe for Jani and Bodi to live in the same apartment again. The film also describes Jani's parents, Michael and Susan, and their personal struggles trying to raise Jani and Bodi, who later begins showing signs of childhood schizophrenia as well.
The film itself is very interesting, not only the story but the cinematography, such as different clips of Jani in her state of hallucination, where it's clear Jani isn't functioning like normal children should. Another key filming technique portrayed in this documentary is the scenes of her talking to and interacting with her imaginary animals, named numbers and days of the week, primarily. These scenes help to emphasize the point of the documentary, and they really make a statement about the severity of the disease, and how devastating it is, especially in children.
Everyone involved in the documentary has a clear concern for Jani and her mental health, and it's clear through the different interviews with her parents, and psychological experts, that Jani's case is dangerous and very severe. These literary elements also help emphasize the documentary's theme, as her parents are clearly very concerned and aren't really quite sure where to turn at this point. With everyday being such a struggle, it's obvious that Jani's parents are at their wits end.
The film is primarily shot at Jani's apartment, where her parents are seen on film in their everyday lives, behaving and interacting with their children as they normally would. Jani's personality, while charming and lovely, shifts so quickly into her state of hallucination is disturbing, but at the same time, so interesting.
Overall, I highly recommend this documentary. It gives such a personal, inside look into the world of childhood schizophrenia, and how devastating raising a child with this kind of mental illness can be. Speaking as someone who's always been very interested in psychology and matters of the mind, this documentary is definitely one worth seeing. It's definitely a little disturbing, but once you get past the general idea, I found myself eager to learn more about the illness and how the Schofield's cope on a daily basis.
I realized today that I'll have to change my blog's theme once winter's over. But for now, I really like it. Which is really kind of contradicting, because there's nothing I hate more than cold weather. But I love everything about the holidays. I love snow, and hot cocoa, and family, and egg nog, and christmas trees, and lights, and mittens, and hugs, and laughter and singing and just everything about the holiday season. I love the seasonal drinks from Starbucks. I love everything about the holiday season. But mostly, I love my grandma. Her name's Nonnie. She's Italian. And she's definitely the most important person in my whole entire life. She lived through the great depression, so she knows not to take things for granted. She's the kindest, funniest, strongest woman I've ever known. I wish I could spend more time with her.
Nonnie lives in New York, so I usually only see her for 2 weeks at Christmas, and when she comes to visit at random times in the year. She got here yesterday, and I haven't seen her in almost a year. That's a long time not to see your grandma. For me, anyway.
I guess family is a big part of the holidays for me. I don't really spend that much time with my family, because when we do see each other, we're arguing, or getting rides, or passing each other on the way to a practice/rehearsal/show. I wish I was closer to my siblings. But I love the holidays, because I get to spend quality time with them that isn't conflicted with school, or any events. And Christmas morning is always a really special morning for my family. I get woken up at like 6:30, but I don't even mind.
Music's always been something that really speaks to me. Whether it be a form of therapy, or just listening out of boredom, or physically playing guitar or piano, music's always been an outlet for me. My love of music probably started when I was a baby. My dad used to bring me in my little baby carrier over to my great Aunt Winnie's house, where she used to teach him piano. So every Sunday, for the first year or so of my life, I heard hours of beautiful piano playing, and as I've grown up with pianos and singing and music of every kind, everytime my dad plays Moonlight Sonata on the piano, I get this sense of calmness, and relief. I guess that's what he must've been learning with my great aunt. I started actually playing music in maybe 3rd or 4th grade, my dad would teach me simple songs on the piano to keep me distracted for awhile. But I'd always be ready for something new. So, in fourth grade, when we were given a choice of instruments to begin learning, I decided to play the trumpet. Which I did, for about 3/4 years. And I liked playing trumpet, I did, but it was never really something that I did because I wanted to, or because I was passionate about it. I did it because it was homework, and because my dad always used to say "I love hearing you play trumpet, Harp." And being a kid, all I wanted to do was make my parents proud. But I gave up on trumpet. And I started playing piano more, and after a few beginner lessons from my dad, I started playing chords, and those chords turned into songs, and before I knew it I was just hopping onto the piano and looking up the chords for whatever song was playing on the radio, and spending my Saturday afternoons perfecting it. I still do that now, and it's really become not just a passion of mine but some kind of therapy. Something about playing music puts me at peace every time I sit down to play.
I also started playing guitar about two years ago, and I play guitar just as often as I do piano. I love playing guitar, I think it's such a beautiful instrument and I love the variety of things you can play. My favorite kind of music to play on guitar is probably anything with picking in it, I've recently been working on Ronan by Taylor Swift and Leaving on a Jet Plane by John Denver.
Guitar and piano have both been such great outlets for me, and I took this week to write about music because a lot of people don't know how passionate I really am about it. I started writing songs probably when I was like 10, just making silly songs up on the spot. But they turned into real songs, and now I have a couple that I think are actually pretty decent. So, yeah. I hope you enjoyed this little look into how music has affected my life, because I think it's something everyone should enjoy, too.
Exercise is one of those things that you really can't do without motivation. And, like a lot of things in my life recently, I have no motivation to exercise, or participate in any physical activity. I feel like if I had more motivation, just in general, I'd get so much more done in life. I'd get my homework done, I'd study for tests and quizzes instead of just winging it, and I'd eat healthy and exercise. Part of me really wishes I had that motivation, and the other part of me is just so used to being dissatisfied with my habits that it feels as though there's no hope.
There was about one week in the past month or two where I really wanted to be healthy, so I bicycled everyday, and ran, and ate a lot of fruit and whole grain bread and stuff. And I have to admit, I did feel better. I had more energy, I was in an overall better mood, and I enjoyed the things around me so much more than I usually do. But for some reason, that week didn't extend past those 7 days or become a habit. I'm back to my diet of Cup Noodles and Poptarts, and I feel awful again. Luckily, I just started this swimming thing every Sunday where I can swim for an hour, and clear my head, and then come home and feel better. This is also super helpful because it means I'm forced to get my homework done earlier on Sunday, to be ready for swimming at 5:30.
At first I was kind of dreading it, just because exercise is one of the many things that I'm not good at and therefore avoid altogether, but it turned out to actually be really fun. And it made me remember how much I love swimming, and why I dedicate my whole summer to it, even if I'm not the best one out there. I'm not the most coordinated person in the world, so when I find a sport that I'm decent at, genuinely enjoy and can be consistent with, I don't walk away from the opportunity. So I'm happy that I'm doing this weekly swimming thing. It'll be good. And I think it'll also help me out in more ways than one.
My "Capture the Fall" video challenge. Okay, this was actually so much fun to make. I took my little sister and my puppy down to the park and we had so much fun filming and running around, and it was such a nice, happy, productive use of time. I probably wouldn't have gotten to enjoy such a beautiful day without having this assignment to do, considering I spend my entire life in front of a 13" MacBook Pro, so I guess I owe this one to Mr. Mayo. But really, this was such an enjoyable experience. I filmed it on my iPhone 4, and I'm surprised at how good the quality actually is. Sometimes it's really grainy, but it turned out really well for this. I think it probably had something to do with the awesome lighting.
This was a really fun assignment, and I really enjoyed not only filming it, but picking music and putting it together. It didn't feel like homework to me, it just felt like a hobby; something I wanted to do. I like editing and filming and stuff, that's why I want to get into photography. But I have yet to buy a DSLR, because I spent $250 on really good seats to the Taylor Swift/Ed Sheeran concert. Anyway, I basically just filmed a lot of pretty trees, and different shots of fallen leaves, and my dog and my sister. I'm glad I had to do this. If we did more creative assignments like this, where we just get a theme (like "fall") and we can do whatever we want with it, I'd look forward to those. So, yeah. That's my capture the fall challenge. Enjoy.
Recently
One Direction released a video for their new song, Little Things. Personally, I
don't think One Direction is worth all the hype they get, but I mean, that's
what's expected to happen when you take 5 attractive boys that can sing and
have british accents and throw them into the music industry. I don't think
they're terrible, but I don't like their music and I feel like they get so much
credit when they really aren't that great. Anyway so their most recent song,
Little Things, is absolutely beautiful, and it's written by Ed Sheeran.
Ed Sheeran is honestly one of my favorite musicians ever, he's so incredibly
talented. Not just because he can sing, but because of his songs, and how they read like poetry. One of my favorite songs of his, Kiss Me, has some of the sweetest, most beautiful lyrics. "I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet, and with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now." His music resonates so much, when you hear a song of his all you can think of is the sheer brilliance it takes to write something as magical as some of the songs he's released. They're not all amazing, obviously, but unlike a lot of musicians that have a few great songs on an album and the rest mediocre; songs that fill space on an album but aren't that amazing, Ed Sheeran's album "+" is just one beautiful song after another. You can tell how hard he worked and how much the album means to him because all the lyrics are so personal, and so real.
The first time I heard Little Things I knew it didn't sound like regular One Direction pop singles and I recognized the intricate and personal lyrics, I even recognized his style of songwriting. That sounds weird, but his songs are so distinct that it's pretty easy to pick out an Ed Sheeran song. It kind of bothers me that One Direction's like hey, this is our new song, isn't it beautiful? And they're not telling the complete truth and being straight up like we didn't write this. One Direction's fans are obviously just gonna eat it up, because anything they put out is gold to them. I feel like people are gonna assume they wrote it and that's gonna kill me, because Ed Sheeran should get the credit he deserves for writing such a beautiful song.
